Saturday, July 28, 2012

Peach of a Beach

We're in Seaside, Florida!

We spent 13 hours in a car with a 7 month old to get here and visit our family. That's how much we love our family (i.e. lots and lots and lots and lots).

If a place could taste like a peach, this would.  It is the Brad Pitt of vacation spots.  The King Kong of beaches.  And officially the most comfy place to take a mid afternoon nap (while the rain is pitter pattering on the roof of course!).

We have traveled far and we have traveled wide,
with our baby always at our side.
We have had so much fun we've had such a time,
baby was so ballin' it must be a crime.

(replace baby with 9mm and you would have a supremely lame rap)

Lots of stuff been happening. Lots of beach time. Lots of quality time. Lots of this:

and this:

and some of this:

*Larkin's approved crawling/pulling-up/not-denting-your-head-falling spot*

One major thing that stuck out to me about this trip is the Gospel Body Workout plan I found out about while I was here. You haven't heard of this? My goodness you have been suffering. This is the new workout craze where you can praise the Lord WHILE shedding that unwanted poundage. Which (as I know from experience.... of watching an infommercial on it for half an hour. Don't judge!) really does work. Oh and sidenote: it's endorsed by Jesus. 

Back to the point.  We love it here.
This is in no way set in stone, but as of right now we could absolutely see ourselves living here one day!

*AAAARRRRRn't ya wanting to be moving to Pirate country already, mates?*

Lark has been teaching me how to skim board, note to self: you are above six feet tall. Falling hurts!  And to that little kid who rocked, I hope that either a) you grow up and hate skim boarding, or b) your growth is stunted.  Because being tall and liking this sport just doesn't work. I'd show y'all a picture of my now bloodied knees, but I'm guessing no one actually wants to see the mess. But it's there. I was scared to go deeper than my thighs in the ocean for the rest of the trip in case I was a sort of shark magnet now with my bloody knees. Better safe than shark food, right?

Uncle Jim (Lark's uncle) owns a surf shop right by the beach (Check it out! Ono surf shop. It's the bomb.) and he lent us the skim board, and if there is any surf tomorrow, will lend us some surf boards to go surfing!

We got to hang with some family here which is always fun,

Aaaannnd Lark bought me World War Z. So much genius and zombies, all in one book. It has been woOOonderful (sung in operatic voice with hands doing the Wallace).

Cheese Gromit! Cheese!

Annnnyways, looking forward to talking to you guys later!

Other things that don't go well together....

Insert your head here.

Words fail me.

Toby Mcguire? Silly you! You're not spiderman!
(I guess he just got the memo)

Heheheh sorry couldn't help myself :)

Aaaand I don't care.

Love you all!
God Bless!


Sunday, July 22, 2012

Our Lawnmower's Been Violated

So if y'all follow me on twitter (Which no one does. This is a non subtle hint), then you already know that late Tuesday night some crackheads from down the street stole our lawnmower.

Culprit #1

We were up to our usual late night routine in the kitchen, just watching a movie on my laptop and nomming on various foods we scrounged up. While we were doing so, two of our pleasant neighbors creeped into our carport, past our car, and to our lawn mower, which was right outside the storage shed that we forgot to put it into.

Coincidentally, that storage shed is right outside the window by where we were sitting and our house is completely NOT sound proof. As in, you can have a conversation in your normal inside-voice with someone outside without straining to hear.

 In other words, not only were these guys crackheads, on our property, and super spy silent at wiggling that lawnmower past our car and out of the carport but they could hear everything that was going on inside of our house as well. They could have figured out the plot of the movie if they stood there long enough. So creepy.

I'm super disappointed about the whole thing. I totally thought we had befriended the crackhead crew by waving every time we drove past to our house and giving some of them occasional rides to Whataburger etc.

They must have thought we were just signaling them. Like a "Hey! White people with lawn mowers live this direction on your street!"

We actually weren't angry at all about it getting stolen, it's just a lawn mower, but I feel like I can speak for both Lark and me when I say I feel pretty violated and creeped out by the experience.

We eventually did get it back, by the way. A neighbor two houses down saw the two men taking a midnight stroll on our street head into our carport and then out with a lawnmower and thought it was highly unlikely that they had stored their lawnmower there. She then called the cops and they came pulled over the only two guys taking a lawnmower for a walk in the middle of the night.

Culprit #2

We had a hard time deciding what to do, but ultimately we decided to press charges because that's what the police man suggested that we do.

I am a big believer in second chances but was unsure if they would actually learn something or we would just be enabling them if we just let them off the hook.

I walked off with my fair share of things that didn't belong to me growing up (makeup, clothes, ipods, wallets, etc...I was a bad kid). Now that that time's come and gone, I know that not getting punished didn't change things for me. I was always relieved if I happened to escaped punishment, but getting caught wasn't enough to keep me from repeating whatever I was doing that was bad. Then again, neither did getting caught and punished.

Maybe people are just going to do what they want to regardless.

Have y'all ever had to deal with something like this? What would y'all have done in our situation?

Love you all and hope you're week has been a good one.


P.s. If you're new here, please click follow and be my friend here and on twitter!

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Integrity's So Overrated

or click here if you don't want to go to youtube.

Appaaarently you get rewarded for being a being a lying, cheating, blog-post stealing blogger though. Cause I got a blogger award!


The Liebster is an award given to up-and-coming bloggers with fewer than 200 followers.  That would be me! Wooopeeeee!!!

The glorious, ever-funny Erica over at Touch of Embellishment sent this awesome award my way. All 19 of you readers should go check her out if you haven't already. She's unfairly good at writing and illustrating funny blog posts. I'm kind of obsessed with her. Her, not her blog. Haha! ....but seriously..

To accept the award you have to answer 10 questions and then pass it along with more questions to someone. 
So here goes:

1.  Has a book ever changed your life?  If so, which one and why?
 Hrrm… I'm not sure about changing my life.. I super liked greek mythology growing up. I reread a mythology book so many times it feel to pieces, but I think I changed that book waaaaay more than it changed me.

2.  Are you a spender or a saver?
I'd say a spender, unfortunately.

3.  Would you rather spend life in prison or be executed?
Life in prison! Just for the small chance that I can dig my way out with a spoon. Ya never know...

4.  Do you give handwritten thank you's?  Why or why not?
I did for years growing up because my mom made me. Since then I haven't been so good at it. Why? Because I'm lazy.

5.  Have you ever been on T.V.?
A few times. The first time I modeled a fashion segment on the San Antonio News.  My hairdresser had just discovered some sort of semi-gloss-hairspray-hair refreshener stuff and RAAAVED about it continually to me and the other hairdressers while we were prepping for the show.

    "OMigod this stuff is like the hulk had a kid with Andre the Giant and that kid did copious amounts of crack!!!"
   "It'll make your hair shine  and super soft and still hold it's place and fix any split ends and you can never have to much and it'll never make your hair look greasy and… and.. and..."

     All the while she was spraying more and more of this crap onto my head. Me, being a little 16 year old, was too scared to say anything about it and just smiled politely and nodded and the other hair dressers gave me pitying looks.
    The girl lied. I ended up having my hair in clumps of greasy looking streakiness. It was sick. I was embarrassed.

        My other most memorable time was when I was on one of the finale episodes of Bravo's The Fashion Show.  I had gone to a go-see and at least two fittings and the designer who was doing my dress was Obsessed with me.

    "OOOO DAAAHLIng, you're so FIERCE!" and the like was said and he decided to put me in his finale piece, the look to close the show.
     "WEeeeeeeee!!!" I thought.

     I was wrong. My dress was incredibly heavy, made up entirely of sequins, and a good two or three inches too long for me when I was in heels, so I had to kick it when I walked (even after adjustments were made) just so I wouldn't trip and fall on my face.

    Also I got to be the only girl in his group to wear a troll wig. What's that you say? You don't believe me? I'm exaggerating? "HA!" I say!

Oh and I guess I forgot to mention the inflate-a-pumpkin coat. It was ridiculously hard to walk.

Here's the video:

The collection that I'm in, Merlin's, starts at 4:57
That's my NOT happy face.

6.  What is your biggest regret?
I have a long list of things in my life that I still think about that I wish I had just tried a little harder at or not given up. Instruments, sports, dance, goals, dreams, other corny stuff, etc.

7.  How do you feel about chihuahua's?
 I love chihuahuas!! Even the yappy ones. The little yappy guys that seem to just want to bite my nose off just make me want to be their friend all the more. I actually was obsessed with long haired chihuahuas for a while, but never passed any "long haired chihuahuas for sale" booths on the side of the road so I never ended up acquiring one.

8.  Would you rather be super attractive or super wealthy?
Wealthy! And then I'd get plastic surgery and buy friends and live happily ever after.

9.  What was your biggest concern when you were young?
Eh. I had a talent of not worrying, ever, growing up. I let my mom be concerned/worry for me.  Thanks Mom! :)

10.  Who would you not want to read your blog?
 I dunno... I don't really have a lot of sensitive content on my blog, so I'm not really hiding it from anyone. Creepy stalker people maybe? Or someone that's super duper good at art and is going to judge my drawings? Or people that kick puppies? Or people that cut in line at McDonalds? Or people that walk really slowly in front of you on the sidewalk? Or people that don't like coffee? Or people that sit in restaurants just to glare at anyone entering with a baby, no matter how well behaved that baby is? Everyone else is probably allowed to read my blog. Probably.

I'm awarding the Liebster award to Cerena over at Secret Life of a Med Student. She's super funny, tells a good story, and does adorable drawings of cats. What more could you want? So my questions are:
1. What 5 things would you grab to go hide away with in the event of a Zombie Apocalypse?
2. Halloween, Birthday, or Christmas?
3. What should I name my next pet?
4. What do you think is the most important lesson for the younger generation to learn?
5. What is the solution to the less than stellar job market?
6. Do you like the My Little Pony television series?
7. Can we be friends?
8. If you could have 3 people in history (past, present, or future) over for dinner, who would it be?
9. What was an awesomely awesome embarrassing moment you had growing up?
10.What are 3 random facts most people don't know about you?

Longest. Blog Post. Ever.


Friday, July 13, 2012

Soo...This Story's Not True. Just Saying.

FRIDAY STORY TIME! Now it is my turn to completely embarrass myself for the sake of my wife’s imaginary people.  Here it goes.

Many moons ago, when I was just a young boy, a lad of but 10 and 2 years, I was going for a walk in the woods. The sweet innocence of youth. Ahh how I pity the young, walking around with  lollipops and popsicles, don’t they know that Lollipops are made to fall in the dirt!?!?!?  Don’t they know that all popsicles will melt??  “I made a horse out of the bones of your brother’s!!”  Is what I should scream to those popsicles, maybe then they wouldn’t have the audacity to be oh so tasty and delicious (restrain yourself Lark, remember what happened last time?)

A happy child I was, but all that would change…
Bad things happen to good people, and I went to church every Sunday, ate my Wheaties, and even talked to the one-eyed-yellow-toothed-Polish-pirate hobo who lived down the block and was constantly playing his accordion.

Okay that was a bit of an exaggeration; he probably didn’t play the accordion, who knows.  But I digress.  Patrick the Polish Pirate besides, I was a good person, and I had my cummupins coming.  I know you are even now saying to your friends and family “I CAN’T WAIT WHAT WILL HAPPEN NEXT!?!?!? AHHAHAHAHHA!!!!!!!!!!!” reality, “man I wish he would get to it already! Or at least shut up and let us look at these awesome drawings!!”

What you should be like.

What you are really like.

Okay okay alright already! I’ll get down to brass tacks.

My walk had begun with a kayak ride from the lake on which our cabins were to another lake down a beautiful creek.  The sunlight dappled the bottom of the clear creek showing rainbow trout, their scales glinting, flashing imbetween shadows of leaves and sunken trees.  The fiddle head ferns unfolding in the light of the new day, seeming to reach towards all things good and beautiful in the world (unicorns, the easter bunny, and peacocks, you know the usual crew). 

            As I passed underneath the first bridge over the creek and through the pipe passage way underneath the second bridge the world opened.  The sky overhead and the wide expanse of water in front of me, all beckoned to me, calling me in towards the horizon.  And there, perfectly nestled in the protective folds of the comforting water, the lulling beat of the sleepy waves seeming to sooth the wild shoreline keeping the trees from breaking upon these placid waters with but a touch and a whisper was an island.  I knew I had to get to that Island.

How little I knew that day as I rode with a child-like innocence towards my inevitable demise!  Why could I not have just turned around and gone back?  Too late now, too late.

I landed on the island and experience elation, it was awesome!  Tall pine trees, the needles softly blanketing the ground, mounds of earth, dead trees hanging over the water threatening to break the glass like waters (chaos would ensue).  Being a little boy, I saw the mounds and said, “indian burial grounds!!” which of course led to, “there have got to be tons of arrowheads around here someplace!!!”

Digging, digging, and more digging, it was at some point during this wild search that I realized, that my stomach was rumbling a little bit, I guess I must be hungry I thought to myself.  FOOL!!  Ahhh if I could only…. But alas it is not possible.  

Finding a triangle shaped rock I became very excited and for the next couple of hours was completely immersed in what I was doing, until my stomach rumbled again, and this time it was the foreboding kind.  What to do! It was getting dark but  I was not very far from the cabins, maybe 20-30 minutes kayaking, but let’s be serious frantic kayaking does have a tendency to lead to a letting go of the bowels, things could get ugly…

Of course! I’d been digging holes for hours I could just utilize one of them!  So inspired (and excited to try such a novel activity [I grew up in NYC])  I prepared myself.  Suddenly I heard a sound behind me.  A breaking of a branch maybe?  I whipped around and in doing so lifted my body and loosed the contents of my bowels straight up into my pants.  “OH CRAP- LITERALLY.”  You know the question, “if a tree falls in a forest and no one is there to hear it does it really make a sound?”  Well I was really hoping that since there was no one to see me crap my pants it didn’t happen (looking down) nope that is not true.  Apparently the maker of the sound did not care, because I again heard a rustling of leaves and a snap of branches behind me, what could it be?  A bear, a bobcat??  NO. It had to be zombie indian chiefs coming back to get me for desecrating their burial site!!!!

RUNNNN!!!!!!!  Things were looking bad for mini me.  Poop in the pants, 20 minute kayak ride ahead, and being chased by zombies wearing headdresses, could it be worse? (I dare you top that)

Of course running like this was extremely difficult, ever seen the video from American Idol, “Pants on the Ground?” yea that is my anthem ( if you haven’t seen it check it out).

Branches whipping me in my nether regions I ran on (did that moan come from my mouth?) awkwardly shuffling across the forest floor I see my kayak, will I make it in time??  Wide eyed I look over my shoulder scared of what I’ll see.  Before I can get a good vision of the flesh eating followers I feel something tug at my pants, “they’ve got me!!!  I scream as I fly face first towards the lake, visions of decaying hands grabbing my pants in my mind.  The zipper of my pants caught on the ground, and the legs caught around my ankles, the force of my fall causes the pants to turn inside out and I have a surreal moment, in which my own feces (catapulted from the seat of my pants and expelled forward at an astounding rate) flies past my eyes to land in the water right where the cranium of yours truly was headed… They were floaters.  

Struggling out of my pants and heavily water logged, I crawled into the kayak, thoroughly defeated.  I threw the arrow heads back on the island “you can keep them!! They aren’t even sharp!”  (because in reality I had just found triangular rocks)  Kayaking back, the ferns were closed for the night, the sun was gone and the moon reflected off of the water, faintly showing sleeping fish on the bottom of the creek.  When the creek neck opened up onto the lake, I sighed relieved that I had made it uneventfully.  I snuck back into my cabin, cleaned up and went to sleep, never to say a word about it until today…

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