Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Water Displacement Fears

Recently, as in every day for the past three weeks, Lark has been trying to convince me to go swimming with him. At first it was just to do laps at the local Y; then I got a membership at ACU's new gym and that has become his primary goal.

Now, I would just like to state that, I do like swimming. I think I would even say that I love to swim. If we had an ocean in our backyard, I would be in there until my pruney fingers grew and grew and I turned into one giant, walking, talking, swollen prune. 

However, since becoming pregnant, I have felt less and less of a need to don a bathing suit and parade in public. Maybe it's because I've begun to feel like I've grown into a giant, walking, talking, swollen prune. Maybe I just haven't found a maternity swimsuit that doesn't irk me. Either way, Lark has now, in the middle of autumn, made it his objective to get me over my stipulations, into a suit, and in the water.

Since he persisted and "No thanks", "No.", and "Good Gosh, Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?!!" haven't had any effect, I decided to make visual aids to help me explain, that I thought I would share with y'all. I would have made an educational flannelgraph, but I decided to go with the free method first. Flannelgraphs will be the next step.

Dearest Larkimous,
         Please note the inevitable occurrences below.

Stage 1

Stage 2

Stage 3

This is why I should not, shall not, and will not accompany you on any aquatic excursions in the immediate future.

Thank you,
Your loving wife, Izzy

Monday, October 10, 2011

Beep-Beep Guns and Zombies

On Friday Lark and I finally tripped to and registered at TargĂ©, the magnificent. It had been procrastinated for a while and then prevented by a mysterious Target systems failure that put ALL of the machines in the place on the fritz except for the registers…of course. We finally did make it though.

We arrived mid-afternoon in the customer service section and waited in a very long line to give the red-shirted lady our blue registry piece of paper. When we finally made contact, we were given the golden gift of one of those sci-fi guns used to scan barcodes. We promptly petitioned for another one and won! It made our trip thirty times more fun.

These magical toys, that must be referred to at all times as "beep-beep guns", shoot out a straight line of red light to about four feet in front of it. It is a genius toy that I'm sure even Santa's elves couldn't emulate. 

We tripped with our beep-beep guns to the baby things section.

I beep-beeped Lark's head.

Lark beep-beeped Lark's head.

Lark beep-beeped Lark's teeth. They lit up in a glowing red fashion which complimented his brace's green rubber bands perfectly and made his mouth a festive affair that went well with the colder weather we were experiencing that day.

Lark beep-beeped the floor. 

"Some people say it's bad to be edgy, but hey, I'm WALKING THE LINE!" 

"Ooooh no! I've CROSSED the line!"

The baby things section was wonderful, so full of adorable, fuzzy, miniature human things that it just makes you smile and want to hug inanimate objects. 

Example: We found a fuzzy bear onesie that had paws, and a hood with little bear ears. Lark has declared that it is the ONLY outfit that he will be taking our child out in. 

"What if it's dirty Lark?"

"Then he'll just be all the more convincing of a bear."

It's beginning to look like i'm going to be the one doing little Lark's laundry.

Overall the Target trip was a big success. We beep-beeped all the things on the list that we needed to (with the help of all of the experienced parents shopping on our aisles) and got some awesome popcorn!

On the way home we ran into a zombie walking alongside the road.

Now I'm sure that that's something that you hear everyday, and seeing as the zombie apocalypse has still yet to come you've probably become a little jaded to all these people crying "wolf", but this one was for real!

This man was the splitting image of every ghoul from every zombie movie that you've seen. His skin had a grey tone. His eyes had a glazed over, vacant, stare. His walk was slow, wide stanced, and labored. This was clearly a man-eating menace who was slowly making his way to the unexpecting civilians waiting at the bus stop!

We aren't very good drivers when a member of the living dead is on the loose. We're working on it.

It was a disconcerting drive home to say the least. And no, we didn't ACTUALLY see the second part happen, but it was the only logical unfolding of events that we, and anyone else who observed what we did, could expect to happen.

For our loved ones out there and those we don't love but would prefer to not see die:


1. Organize before they rise!
2. They feel no fear, why should you?
3. Use your head: cut off theirs.
4. Blades don't need reloading
5. Ideal protection = tight clothes, short hair.
6. Get up the staircase, then destroy it.
7. Get out of the car, get onto the bike.
8. Keep moving, keep low, keep quiet, keep alert!
9. No place is safe, only safer.
10. The zombie may be gone, but the threat lives on.

-from the Zombie Survival Guide: Complete Protection From The Living Dead by Max Brooks-

Till Next Time!
Peace and Blessings!
Much Love!

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Blog Post Number One

The Initial, Required, Awkward Blog Post of Introduction:

Helloooo from us, Lark and Lauren. Or *Tootie and Izzy*, if you prefer. We are a jolly ol' family of two.

(Izzy on the left. Lark on the right)

Soon to be 3. 

(Little Lark Mason IV)

Or 4 if you include fuzzy puppies. 

(Elmo the Extraordinaire!)

5 if overweight dwarf hamsters make your list for some reason.

(Houdini, the obese escape artist)

We live in Abilene, Texas, home to really good barbecue, severe drought, a plethora of old conservatives, and a handful of colleges. We also have a Walmart, which is actually Something in this area of little small towns in Texas. On the weekends, people from even smaller surrounding towns make a day of dressing up and driving in to Abilene to go to Walmart. It's pretty cute. This particular Walmart has also been featured more than once on People Of Walmart. That's always a little less cute.

Lark is a man of ever changing facial hair and an enormous amount of energy that he throws into doing anything and everything under the sun.  He knits, speaks chinese, practices yoga and knife throwing, cooks chef-humbling meals, runs a lawn care business, plays guitar, teaches gymnastics, makes jewelry, and pretty much anything else you can think of! He is just about to finish up his schooling at ACU with an English major and an Art minor. He writes pretty things and wishes to do so as a job some day.

I was, until just recently, a student at ACU as well, but am currently taking a scholastic siesta to finish incubating and take care of little Lark Ernest Mason IV. The little bugger is due to arrive on November 27th and we are just busting buttons with excitement!

We are also both really excited about starting up this blog! We're hoping it'll be a good way to keep in touch and up to date with the friends and family that we don't see every day. Thinking it could be a big blessing. :)

Until next time!
Peace and Blessings!
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