On Friday Lark and I finally tripped to and registered at Targé, the magnificent. It had been procrastinated for a while and then prevented by a mysterious Target systems failure that put ALL of the machines in the place on the fritz except for the registers…of course. We finally did make it though.
We arrived mid-afternoon in the customer service section and waited in a very long line to give the red-shirted lady our blue registry piece of paper. When we finally made contact, we were given the golden gift of one of those sci-fi guns used to scan barcodes. We promptly petitioned for another one and won! It made our trip thirty times more fun.
These magical toys, that must be referred to at all times as "beep-beep guns", shoot out a straight line of red light to about four feet in front of it. It is a genius toy that I'm sure even Santa's elves couldn't emulate.
We tripped with our beep-beep guns to the baby things section.
I beep-beeped Lark's head.
Lark beep-beeped Lark's head.
Lark beep-beeped Lark's teeth. They lit up in a glowing red fashion which complimented his brace's green rubber bands perfectly and made his mouth a festive affair that went well with the colder weather we were experiencing that day.
Lark beep-beeped the floor.
"Some people say it's bad to be edgy, but hey, I'm WALKING THE LINE!"
"Ooooh no! I've CROSSED the line!"
The baby things section was wonderful, so full of adorable, fuzzy, miniature human things that it just makes you smile and want to hug inanimate objects.
Example: We found a fuzzy bear onesie that had paws, and a hood with little bear ears. Lark has declared that it is the ONLY outfit that he will be taking our child out in.
"What if it's dirty Lark?"
"Then he'll just be all the more convincing of a bear."
It's beginning to look like i'm going to be the one doing little Lark's laundry.
Overall the Target trip was a big success. We beep-beeped all the things on the list that we needed to (with the help of all of the experienced parents shopping on our aisles) and got some awesome popcorn!
On the way home we ran into a zombie walking alongside the road.
Now I'm sure that that's something that you hear everyday, and seeing as the zombie apocalypse has still yet to come you've probably become a little jaded to all these people crying "wolf", but this one was for real!
This man was the splitting image of every ghoul from every zombie movie that you've seen. His skin had a grey tone. His eyes had a glazed over, vacant, stare. His walk was slow, wide stanced, and labored. This was clearly a man-eating menace who was slowly making his way to the unexpecting civilians waiting at the bus stop!
We aren't very good drivers when a member of the living dead is on the loose. We're working on it.
It was a disconcerting drive home to say the least. And no, we didn't ACTUALLY see the second part happen, but it was the only logical unfolding of events that we, and anyone else who observed what we did, could expect to happen.
For our loved ones out there and those we don't love but would prefer to not see die:
TOP 10 LESSONS FOR SURVIVING A ZOMBIE ATTACK:
1. Organize before they rise!
2. They feel no fear, why should you?
3. Use your head: cut off theirs.
4. Blades don't need reloading
5. Ideal protection = tight clothes, short hair.
6. Get up the staircase, then destroy it.
7. Get out of the car, get onto the bike.
8. Keep moving, keep low, keep quiet, keep alert!
9. No place is safe, only safer.
10. The zombie may be gone, but the threat lives on.
-from the Zombie Survival Guide: Complete Protection From The Living Dead by Max Brooks-